Way Off Topic

[spinner1]

Two years ago we got new neighbors.
A family of 4.
They moved here from Florida. The Dad stayed in Florida.
A mother and three boys moved in next door.

I met them the day they arrived and since then I have been taking the three
boys aging from 15 to 11 fishing lots.

On all the trips to the streams I interact with the boys. I try to "father"
them a little.

It seemed like the 2 younger ones were really listening.

The oldest....David......

Let me say I am very disappointed in him these days.
He skips school regularly to go fishing or hunting....any excuse to skip school.
So obviously he is doing very poorly in school.
He has been bragging on the way to school when he goes....I give him rides because he is in the same grade is my daughter......He brags about all the classes he gets kicked out of because of his anger management problems.

He is a magnet to the scumbag young crowd in town. Last month he had 2 ...14 years old try to steal his younger brother's medications for attention deficit disorder. He laughed it off. I called the police. He was mad at me for narcing his friends out.

Last Thursday on the way to school he was bragging to me and my daughter how he was loaded with hickies all over his body from his 14 year old girlfriend. He smirked and said she has twice as many as he does and in hidden places.

My daughter just cringed and called him a dumb@ss.....

Yesterday I saw him standing on his front steps.....no shirt......hickes covering his whole chest....He was blatantly smoking right in front of his 2 brother and mother. I could hear his mother lecturing him about not having sex and how smoking was bad for him.

She said all of this with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth.

My daughter just rolled her eyes and told me that David was a lost cause.

Is he?

[kbproctor]

No, but it sounds like Mom is.

You and I both know kids need limits. Set them while he is with you. Certain topics are off limits. I had several kids who society wrote off around the house as my step kids grew up. Some of them came around, one is in prison for a wild cocaine fueled rampage. They ALL followed the rules here and still treat my wife and I with respect and kindness.

You would be amazed what effect the statement "I expected better from you." can have on an adolescent. You may not be able to "save" him, but you can direct him a little. Tell him what you think makes a man. That is what he is striving to be, a man. He just doesn't know how and has no example at home.

[tlerm]

Not yet, but he is crying out for a father figure. I echo Kevin's post.

And kudos to you, spinner, for caring. Don't give up on him yet.

[Fishing Jill]

Here's my two cents and then some:

Think about what he's bragging about and to who. I mean really, does he think you're going to be impressed by all that? The kicker is what else does he have to brag about or be proud of? That may be it. He'd rather look bad than stupid or just doesn't care. Either way take him fishing but as kb said with clear expectations. Don't read the kid the riot act, just be clear, consistent, and firm. Ignore negative behavior (little things) as much as you can and take him fishing. He needs it.

[Steve Molcsan]

It is mighty tuff for our young ones today.... I hope he makes it and stays clear of drugs... Never give up.....

Never!

[spinner1]

I have no real fathering skills because mine went to heaven when I was 10 years old. My mother did both jobs and I think she has done ok with me. I just got off the phone with her and she gave me much of the same advice as I was given on here.

She ended the conversation saying "You are not his Dad or Mom and your hands are tied because of it." "Be a good role model and friend to him and that is all you do."

[PA Dave]

It sounds like you have more fathering skills than you realize, my friend. Remember that being his friend does not mean letting him get away with crap without letting him know about it. Stick with it and hope for the best.

[philip43]

I think it is time to have a long talk with your daughter about this neighbor boy. As far as the problems the boy is creating for his Mom and younger siblings, most states Juvenile Courts or Family Courts have programs to address these issues. In NY State a parent or guardian can get a "Person in Need of Supervision" (PINS order). If the teenager doesn't go to Court ordered counseling, then the Court will remove the youngster from the home and send him/her to a facility. I'd hate to see the two younger brothers get sent off course because of this knuckleheads actions!
Adios, Philip

[kbproctor]

Spinner, you obviously had a strong male influence of some sort. You are taking to this in a natural manner. Your Mom was a h*ll of a woman to give the answer she did and I would bet she put good men in your way for you to learn from as well. I see this a lot with Scouting. Many, many mothers put their boys in Scouts so they can learn from what are supposed to be men of character. It is amazing what the influyence of one good man can make in a boy's life.

You are in a great position. You are not his Dad so you don't have to be one. Be his friend. Set clear limits to his negative behavior round you and your daughter. last, maximize praise for good behavior. That's about all you can do. You have more influence than you know.

[Marco]

Len.
There is now ,ongoing, a TV commercial with some reference to " if you don't want your grandson to wear a dog collar" etc, etc, I"D MOVE THE HELL OUTTA THERE SO FAST YOUR HEAD WOULD SPIN!!!

Mark

PS: Maybe move to Lake In The Hills Illinois where at least the prices of homes " select" the socioeconomics of it's residents :>) ( Only PARTLY a joke)