I'll throw this up for your thoughts. I say you can go long with your leader as long as you've got some fly line weight out the end of the rod tip to make comfortable casts. So in my case if I have the magic 30 ft. of fly line past the tip I feel comfortable with long leaders 12 to 18 ft.. Leaders that long will not fish well with short casts when you only have 5 to 10 feet of fly line past the tip. There just isn't enough fly line weight there to bend the rod.
On butt dia. let me say that I'm more apt to fish on top, and to beat the fly dragging in the current I like to pile a leader (smaller diam. butts), but I also like to be able to put some power into it ( bigger stiffer butts) for curves and tucks. So I compromise with a butt dia. of .019 and it works for me. So maybe you have to look at the type of fishing that you do. I'll make a general statement and say that if you want a slack line presentation = smaller butt material, if you'd like a straighter leader laying on the water = bigger stiffer butts. When I toss a streamer to the far bank and want instant control of my fly, or fishing stillwater when I need to impart action to a fly, that's when I like my leader to lay out nice and straight, but I make this happen with the speed in the cast and live with my .019 butt.
General rule for sizing the leader butt diameter is 2/3 the end of the fly line. Most of the lines I have measured that I use are about .033 which means I should use a leader butt of between .021 and .023. As you can see I don't exactly follow the rules. That's a good advantage to making your own leaders. You can find out what fits your style. Once you match what you want a leader to do, as I did in my case, you should be good to go for 40 years.
Add one more caveat and consider the taper in the fly line itself. What I think we are all after is to control the speed of the rig when it comes to the water surface so that it lands with as little disturbance as possible. The final presentation has to slow down to a crawl but still get to where we intended it to. This is an artful thing, but fly lines have different front tapers which can confuse the normal setup. In my case I have lines which have 4 ft. front tapers and I have lines which have 8 ft. front tapers. You can see that the shorter taper puts more umph into the leader and the longer taper takes some of that power away. You have to be aware of this and juggle the characteristics to suit yourself and figure these tapers into the length of your leaders.
Finally, if this is a connection problem of the leader and fly line you are struggling with I finally went to a fly line loop connection because I have way to many rods to fish with and I fish the same basic leader on them all and to me it makes no difference what the butt size is, I just loop my .019 butt together anyway and now I can swap a leader from one line to the next rod.
Enjoy the puzzle.... And all the different knots your are going to learn how to tie.
"As far down the river as he could see, the trout were rising, making circles on the surface of the water, as though it were starting to rain."- E.H., The Big Two Hearted River