Having been away from the board for a quite awhile I am unfamiliar with whats been going on here . Yours was the first post that I opened. Sounds that you have been going through a lot of bad and sad times. Me too, been dealing with some pretty serious issues. Been fishing twice this year (still collecting gear though) and that isnt regular for me . Sounds like depression may have set in on you and speaking from first hand experience it is a crippler. Get checked out for your own peace of mind. It is an illness that can be treated effectivley.
Best wishes ,
Peter