Need help with a youngster

[Muskrat]

Hi all,
One of my neighbors has a 15 year old boy whose father wants nothing to do with the young fellow. Mom and dad are divorced, dad is a drunk, lives two blocks away from his son and won't even talk to the boy if they see each other on the street. Mom and I had a good talk the other day. The boy is really depressed, starting to fall behind in school, missing a lot of school and is starting to draw away from others. With his older brother being constantly deployed in the military he has no big brother or father figure in his life. Mom is wonderful and doing as good a job as she can but teenagers need a father figure too.

Well every time I see the lad he sticks to me like glue. My daughter is grown and has given us three beautiful grand kids so it really tugs at my heart string to see the lad going through what is happening to him. I have walked many miles in his shoes too. Mom, Nighthawk and I have cooked up a plan. I would like to hear your input on this.

The lad is a very active 15 years of age and we think he needs us guys to take him fly fishing, hunting and target shooting with us. We have the add advantage that he already knows and trusts us both. Was thinking about setting him up with a nice 9' 5/6wt 2pc medium-fast action graphite rod that I have along with a decent mid arbor reel, backing and line that Nighthawk has. Most of our fishing will be on lakes, big rivers and wide open streams so casting room wont' be too much of an issue. Of course we will both kick in leaders, tippet material, flies, boxes and the various gadgets required by our sport. Want to get the boy started in tying too. Between the two of use we have the extra tools and materials to get him well on his way tying wise.

The lad is a late bloomer. Just now really starting to sprout up. I was wondering how easy it is to get him chest waders he can grow into or should we just get him hip waders for now. Of course in the summer he will just wet wade with us. Might not be too big of an issue because at 15 the boy gets bored easily so most of his fishing will be from the shore of a lake full of bull blue gills, crappies and tiger muskies to start with. Probably spend a lot of time in the canoe with us too.

Mom was so happy to hear us planning this that she started to cry. She thinks it is great that we want to set this up as a reward/motivation system for him too. We will make it clear that we will get him started, take him fishing, hunting and shooting with us but the more he minds his mom, gets better grades and does chores for mom the more gear, time and other things he will get. It seems to me that we need to sit down with him and mom to set down some concrete goals for him. things like if you go from here to the end of the school year without missing another day, unless mom says it is okay to miss, we take you on a weekend camping trip to Black Moshannon State Park with us. I also think we need to get the boy on this web site. I think he will get a kick out of all of you on the board.

I know that is a lot to digest but I would greatly appreciate any thoughts or advice you can give me on this. This young man is just starting down a dark path and I think we can save him right at the trail head so to speak.

Thanks folks.

[rookie]

Do whatever you have to to keep him going straight ahead. As good as all of this sounds, you might meet some stubborn moments and then he needs an understanding approach (Fatherly). Good for all of you.

[Thunderthumbs]

I think you two are definately on the right track. You aught to get copies of the books, 'The Old Man and the Boy' and 'The Old Man's Boy Grows Older.' Both are by Robert Ruark. I love to read them around the fishing campfire, one chapter a night. There are some great life lessons in those books, something you can all discuss and learn from.

TT.

[vmabuck]

I use the same chest waders I got when I was 16.

If I had to pick one I would go chesty all the way. Then you won't be restricted to where you can go like with hippers...

[SteveP]

I have to say this is very heart warming. Personally I am very close to this I grew up with a deadbeat (*&%*^%%^*# of a father so I know where he stands now. I fortunately had a grandfather that was willing to entertain my curiosities and at 8 he bought my first fly rod and fly tying kit for me I have been hooked deep with it ever since and believe you me if it had not been for my vise and my rod god only knows what my vices would be now. (little pun there) Do what you can but don't push him he will see the reward in time. Talk to him not at him kids like that tend to be very independent and much more mature in mind than they act or put forth. I personally hated to be talked about or at as a younger man even at the age of 10 or so I remember it getting under my skin that people talked differently to one another than they talked to me. You're doing a good thing and you never know it may be one of those things that you reflect on later as the best thing you cold have done with your time and means.

Steve

[rockthief]

you cannot save him but you will surely give him a magnificent opportunity to embrace life, to accept all that you offer him. Love him and also be willing to let go of him if you have to no matter how much it hurts. I'll bet you have a friend for life and the all will be well. One boy or girl at a time...

Paul

[popperfly]

Muskrat,

Sounds like you guys have an excellent plan for the boy to concentrate on his goals and keep him from heading down that dark path. If I can contribute any fly tying materials to help get him started please let me know, I don’t have much but I have enough to help out the young lad.

[Mato Kuwapi]

Great start...great attitude. One thing I would toss into the rule book. Any dope, this relationship will end, so hopefully he knows how to say "NO" to his peers. It's worth thinking about anyway. I see you're in PA. If you have a local club...get involved and take the boy. You can also take him on little trips to the local fly shop. Let him get in on the shop talk. A trip to the spring shows in your area may also be something to think about. Also keep in mind he is just coming into that age where boys usually dump their other activities for girls, parties...etc. If he stays focused on this stuff for a couple more years...he's probably going to do great.

The tools are nice...but the most valued thing in all of this is not the tools...it's the time and memories you give him. So keep that in mind. I'm sure you can all make due with what you have. If you have some fly shops or fishing friends around (or talk to a club), they may have some used or near retired waders laying around that will tide the boy over, with a few patches or SeamSeal, until he stops the major part of his growth spurt.

He'll remember you and those days fishing and hunting for the rest of his life.

[James Smith]

What a great way to do the work we're all supposed to do duing our stay here on earth. What you do with this young man could very well change his life. It sounds like he's already reaching out to you and that he's ready and willing to learn. Depending on what you're fishing for, please PM me if you need any warm water flies as I suspect that he will go through them like a teenager goes through food. Thanks for sharing and if you need any fishing related "stuff" don't hesitate to post it here in FAOL and I'm sure folks will support this effort.

Take care and God Bless.

Jim Smith

[Host Ray]

It sounds as if your help is a God send for this kid. I would encourage his mother to get him some counseling the depression could be treated either by professional services or medication.