Quote Originally Posted by jimswanson View Post
Lengthy, but funny.

My contribution, I did not make this one up, but in a similar vein:

Giving a cat a bath

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power wash and rinse' which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely,

The Dog
This method actually works well:

1. Place a window screen on top of the kitchen sink
2. Stand the cat on the screen
3. Squirt cat in the face with the spray nozzle.

The cat grabs the screen with all claws and can't get them loose until it relaxes, or you pry each foot off.

4. Have your way with the cat. Shampoo, rinse, repeat, towel dry, blow dry, and unhook the cat.