We need some laughs here !!!

[farleycat]

A man had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be the Man of Your House."

He stormed into the living room where his wife was watching television and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert.. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want! Afterward, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"



The wife replied, "The freakin' funeral director would be my first guess."

[Uncle Jesse]

One day, the president of the company came upon a young man who was expertly counting out a large wad of the firm's cash. The boss asked, "Where did you get your financial training, young man?"

"Yale," the young man answered proudly.

"Ah, a fellow Ivy Leaguer! What's your name?"

"Yack Yackson.

[Backcastwards]

Where pumpkin pie comes from.

[Steve Molcsan]

Tigers new movie:

Broke, Black, Golfer...

[Old #art]

At the Biker Bar last night
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over,looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:

‘I went by your grandma’s house today and I saw her in the hallway buck-naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!’

The biker looks at him and doesn’t say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: ’I got it on with your grandma and she is good, The best I ever had!’

The biker’s buddies are starting to get really mad ‘ but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, ‘I’ll tell you something else, boy, Your grandma liked it!’

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders and looks him square in the eyes and says………………..

‘Grandpa;………. Go home!

[Steve Molcsan]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuiEC...eature=related

[jimsnarocks]

This is too good not to read. Sometimes there is justice in this ole
world and this is a good example of it.

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old
man headed straight for the only saloon in town to clear his parched
throat.

He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitching post. As
he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a
young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a
bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed saying, "Hey old
man, have you ever danced?"


The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said,"No, I never did dance -
just never wanted to."

A crowd gathered quickly and the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you
old fool, you're gonna' dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's
feet.

The old prospector, in order to not get a toe blown off or his boots
perforated, was soon hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet and
everybody was laughing fit to be tied.

When the last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing,
holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old
man then turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double barreled shotgun and
cocked both hammers back. The loud audible double clicks carried clearly
through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the
sounds too and he turned around very slowly. The quiet was almost
deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the
large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The young gunslinger was finding it hard to swallow. The barrels of the
shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands.

The old man calmly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ***?"
The boy bully swallowed hard and said, "No, But I've always wanted to."

There are two lessons to be learned here:
1. Don't waste ammunition.
2. Don't mess with old people.


Don't you just love a story with a happy ending?

[Hookedintheear]

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there..

'You talk?'............... he asks.

'Yep,'..................... the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.''I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! ........................ Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'


'Because.................................................. ........ he's a liar. He never did any of that crap. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Uncle Jesse]

A pastor of one church who was previously a sailor, was very aware that ships are addressed as "she" and "her". He often wondered what gender computers should be addressed. To answer that question, he set up two groups of computer experts. The first was comprised of woman, and the second of men. Each group was asked to recommend whether computers should be referred to in the feminine gender, or the masculine gender. They were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women reported that the computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have a better model.

The men on the other hand concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

[Steve Molcsan]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fm9EUpRFQ4g