We need some laughs here !!!

[maodiver]

Saw this on a signature on another board. I just had to share

If you are mad as hell and aren't going to take it anymore, grab your rifle and head outside. If you're the only dumb*** with a rifle screaming like a maniac, go back inside. It isn't time yet

[EdD]

Saw this on a signature on another board. I just had to share

If you are mad as hell and aren't going to take it anymore, grab your rifle and head outside. If you're the only dumb*** with a rifle screaming like a maniac, go back inside. It isn't time yet

With dozens of dead teenagers in Norway, that isn't going to go over too well as a joke in Scandinavia. I have Norwegian friends and I hurt for them.

Ed

[jimsnarocks]

My daughter sent me this. She's a woman. I dont know if it is a warning or a heads up.

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1)Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2)Five Minutes:If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3)Nothing:This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes.. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4)Go Ahead:This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5)Loud Sigh:This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6)That's Okay:This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7)Thanks:A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').
(Whatever:Is a woman's way of saying...Go to Hell
(9)Don't worry about it, I got it:Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

[modocdan]

Well, jimsnarocks, a heads up IS a warning... and it is, so......GO AHEAD, LOUD SIGH......WHATEVER..
..................ModocDan

[jimsnarocks]

Yep Dan, I took it as both. Jim

[Uncle Jesse]

The Bathtub Test
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a Teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket, because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the drain plug. Do you prefer a bed near the window?"

[MikieFinn]

HIS AND HER DIARIES FOR THE SAME DAY



Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried.
I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary:

Boat wouldn't start. Can't figure out why.

[Lew]

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker
Steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bed with the gardener and then my dog bit me."
"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the arsenic dissolve. Then some jerk shows up and drinks the whole thing!
But enough about me, how's your day going?"

[EdD]

Does the previous joke violate the rules for Catch and Release?

Ed

[LouT]

One day a I was walking fishing a stream when I heard a voice. I looked down, and there sat a frog.

"I may look like a frog," said the frog, "but I'm actually a lovely Princess who has been transformed into a frog by a terrible spell."

"How awful!" said I.

"The only way to break to spell is to take me home and go to bed with me. When I wake up in morning, I'll be transformed back into a beautiful princess," replied the frog.

I said; "At my age I would rather have a talking frog."