At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled... "Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.


SEX

Condoms don?t guarantee safe sex anymore?..

A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman?s husband.


Lance Armstrong

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, whilst on drugs.

When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.


Drive By

A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn?t take my TV, just the remote.

Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick b*stard!!