We need some laughs here !!!

[Marco]

Always GOOD ones UJ, must be the air i Gwinnett Co

Mark

[Uncle Jesse]

Thanks Marco, It's just I hang out with a bunch of clowns. Here another:

An Old Golfer was hitting his ball from near a water hazard and his club fell into the water.

When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The golfer replied that his club had fallen into the water and he needed the club to have a chance to win the tournament and supplement his meager pension.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden club.

"Is this your club?" the Lord asked.

The golfer replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver club.

"Is this your club?" the Lord asked.

Again, the golfer replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an old iron club. "Is this your club?" the Lord asked.

The golfer replied, "Yes, that’s it!"

The Lord was pleased with the golfer's honesty and gave him all three clubs to keep, and the golfer won his tournament and went home happy.

Sometime later, the golfer was walking with his wife along the water hazard, and she fell into the lake.

When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh, Lord, my woman has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went into the water and reappeared with Kate Upton. "Is this your woman?" the Lord asked.


"Yes," cried the golfer.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The golfer replied, "Oh, forgive me Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'No' to Kate Upton, you would have come up with Jennifer Anniston. Then if I said 'No' to her, you would have come up with my woman. Had I then said 'Yes,' you would have given me all three. And Lord, I am an old man not able to take care of all three women in a way that they deserve... so that's why I said 'Yes' to Kate Upton.

And God was pleased.

The moral of this story is: If a golfer ever tells a lie, it is for a good and honorable reason and only out of consideration for others.

[Uncle Jesse]

[Marco]

Hey UJ,
I'm told that it was another good one from you.

Mark

[Uncle Jesse]

I did a little research apparently the "Japanese" words are not really words.

[Marco]

UJ,
My post was an attempted "joke" regarding the last two sentences and not the actual language

Mark

[Uncle Jesse]

Probably a bit of classic humor:

The rain ☔️ was pouring down outside O'Connor's Irish Pub.

There standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub was an old Irishman, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water.

A passer-by stopped and asked him, "So whadda ya be doin there me boy”?

“Fishing”, replied the old man.

Feeling sorry for the old man, the gent says, “Com’on in outta thee rain ☔️ and have a wee spot of a drink with me will ya now”?

In the warm ambiance of the pub, as they sip their whiskies, the gentleman, being a bit of a superior smart ***, cannot resist asking, "So how many have yee caught there today me boy”?

"Ah yes...........I believe yee be the 8th now” replied the old man.

[ducksterman]

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."

The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"

As they left, the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman? How'd you come to the diagnosis so quickly?"

"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the waste bin. That was what probably was making her sick."

The younger doctor said "Pretty clever. If you don't mind, I think I'll try that at the next house."

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She said that she just didn't have the energy she once did and said, "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."

"You've probably been doing too much for the Church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."

As they left, the elder doctor said, "I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, she's very active in the church, but how did you arrive at it?"

"I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the vicar under the bed."

[Steve Molcsan]

had to lookup vicar .... funny one!

[Uncle Jesse]

Traffic Camera

A woman was driving when she saw the flash of a traffic camera. She figured that her picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though she knew that she was not speeding. Just to be sure, she went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now she began to think that this was quite funny, so she drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. She tried a fourth time with the same result. She did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as her car rolled past, this time at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, she got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt!