We need some laughs here !!!

[Uncle Jesse]

A smallchurch had a very attractive big-busted organist named Linda.

Herbreasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played

theorgan. Unfortunately, this distracted the congregation considerably.

The veryproper church ladies were appalled.

They said something had to be done about this or they would haveto

getanother organist.

So one of the ladies approached Linda very discreetly about theproblem,

and toldher to mash up some green astringent persimmons and rub them on

her nipplesand over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size.

But she warned Linda not to taste any of the green persimmonsbecause they

are sosour they would make her mouth pucker up, and she wouldn't be able

to talkproperly for a while.

The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it.

The following Sunday morning the minister climbed into the pulpitand said,

"Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab athermon tewday"

[ducksterman]

I love this police report!

[Bluegill Budd]

Let's set the scene: Harry was a dentist, and not just any dentist, he was a Pediatric Dentist. It was a tough job but he loved the children and his job. He had a very convenient arrangement as his office was on the third floor of a downtown high-rise and his apartment was on the 10th floor. And just to make it even better there was a nice restaurant with a well-stocked bar in the penthouse. Harry would finish his day at the office, take the elevator to the penthouse and have an evening drink. Talking to the bar tender one day he asked for something different. The barman whipped him up a custom concoction using daiquiri mix, rum and almonds. Harry thought it was wonderful and it became his daily elixir to sooth his nerves after dealing with the sometimes rambunctious children. One day about 4:45 in the afternoon the bar keep noticed he was out of almonds. He searched frantically for something to replace them in Harry?s evening drink. All he could find were hickory nuts and with no time to test, he mixed up Harry?s drink. Right on time here comes Harry and plants himself on a bar stool and the keep slid the drink in front of him. Harry took one small sip and immediately spit it out! What is this he bellowed, it is not my usual. The bar keep explained he was out of almonds so he substituted a different nut in the drink. The keep went on to tell Harry ?It?s a Hickory Daiquiri Doc.?

[Marco]

Clint,
Not far enough West! :>)


Mark

[Uncle Jesse]

Along time ago, in Communist Russia, there was a famous weather man namedRudolf.

He's always had a 100% accuracy rate for his forecasts of the Russian weatherconditions. His people loved him and respected him for his faultless foresight.He was particularly good at predicting rain. One night, despite clear skies, hemade the prediction on the 6:00pm news broadcast that a violent storm wasapproaching. It would flood the town in which he and his wife lived. He warnedthe people to take proper precautions and prepare for the worst.

After he arrived home later that evening, his wife met him at the door andstarted arguing with him that his weather prediction was the most ridiculousthing she had ever heard. This time, she said, he had made a terrible mistake.There wasn't a cloud anywhere within 10 miles of the village. As a matter offact, that day had been the most beautiful day that the town had ever had andit was quite obvious to everyone it simply wasn't going to rain.


Hetold her she was to be quiet and listen to him. If he said it was going to rain,IT WAS GOING TO RAIN. He had all of his Russian heritage behind him and he knewwhat he was talking about. She argued that although he came from a proud heritage,IT STILL WASN'T GOING TO RAIN.

They argued back and forth for hours, so much that they went to bed mad at eachother.


Duringthe night, sure enough one of the worst rainstorms hit the village the likes ofwhich they had never seen. That morning when Rudolf and his wife arose, theylooked out the window and saw all the water that had fallen that night.
"See,"said Rudolf, "I told you it was going to rain."


Hiswife admitted: "Once again your prediction came true. But I want to know,just how were you so accurate, Rudolf?"


Towhich he replied, "You see, Rudolf the Red knows rain dear!"

Okay go ahead and GROAM, it had to be done.

[lee s]

LOVE it!!! And Merry Christmas too to all.....
......lee s.

[caibill]

Jim loved hollandaise sauce on everything. He ate it on his eggs for breakfast, on his sandwiches for lunch, and of course on everything at dinner.


After years of eating hollandaise sauce everyday, he noticed his teeth were turning black. He went to the dentist and ultimately had to have all his teeth pulled. The dentist told him that since he wants to continue eating hollandaise every day, he would have to chrome plates made, since...


are you ready??






There’s no plates like chrome for the hollandiase.






Sorry, I just couldn’t stand it...

[DaleW]

Ole & Sven

One day Ole and Sven were paging through the Sears catalog and admiring all the beautiful models. Ole said to Sven, "Haf you seen da perdy girls in dis catalog?" Sven replied "Ya, dey sure are bootiful, and yust look at da prices!" Ole looked wide eyed and said, "Yumpin' yimminy, dey ain't very expensive. At dees prices I'm buying me vun!" Sven smiled, patted Ole on the back and said, "By golly Ole, if she's as perdy as she looks in da catalog, I vill get vun, too!" Three weeks later Sven asked Ole, "Did ja ever git dat girl you ordered from da Sears catalog?" Ole replied, "No, but it von't be long now, her clothes came yesterday!" ~

[Byron Zuehlsdorff]

Who gets to clean my computer, and dry my pants??

[Uncle Jesse]

A little golf humor: http://youtu.be/A0kdBDwNddc