We need some laughs here !!!

[DaleW]

(note): I know this has been posted before, but it's always a good review!



Dear Abby:

I've never written to you before, but I really need
your advice on what could be a crucial decision.

I've suspected for sometime now that my wife has been
cheating on me. The usual signs ... phone rings, but
if I answer, the caller hangs up. She's been going out
with the girls a lot recently, although when I ask
their names, she always says, "just some friends from
work, you wouldn't know them". I always stay awake to
look out for her taxi coming home, but she walks home
from down the street. Anyway, I have never approached
the subject with my wife, I think down deep I just
don't want to know the truth. Last night she went out
again and I decided to really check on her. I hid
behind my boat which is parked on the driveway, next
to the garage, where I could get a good view of the
whole street when she came home. It was at this
moment, crouching behind my boat, that I noticed a
little oil leaking from the lower unit of the
outboard. And this is where I need your advice ... Is
this something I can fix myself or do you think I
should take it back to the dealer?

Worried Sick.

[Uncle Jesse]

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me" Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.


After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note.


After a few minutes, he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone. "She's finally gone...yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like." He hung up, grabbed his keys and left.


She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed, seething with rage and with tears in her eyes. She grabbed the note to see what he wrote. "I can see your feet. We're outta bread; be back in five minutes."

[Rick Z]

My neighbor sent her Alexa in as it was not working. They set it back saying it was in perfect condition.
She challed and said it was not working as it did not answer her question.
They asked what he question was?
She said she asked "What do men know?"


Rick

[Marco]

My American Legion friend has poor vision so he bought himself a talking scale. Returned it promptly because whenever he got on it , it kept hollering "one at a time please"

[krauseb]

True story: My neighbors
wife has been driving her new car for over a year,but when he put in my drive because his drive way was going to be blocked by workers he left it with the emergency brake on. She came to get it and couldn't get it to move. She told me she was stepping on something on the floor board but the brake wouldn't come off. I told her to release the brake handle. She gave me a lost look. I released the brake and told her what I had done and put the brake on again and told her what to do. She got into the car and just sat there, I had to point out the brake release handle and how to release it. She had never asked her husband what that handle was for.
P.S I never told her husband, i'm not a snitch.

[Uncle Jesse]

A guy is cook's attire goes into the emergency room with his left hand wrapped in paper towels and napkins.

The doctor unwraps the hand, looks at the hand and ask "What happened?"

The cooks replied "You know those chefs who chop food really fast?"

The doctor acknowledged "Yeah."

The cook said, "I can't do that."

[Steve Molcsan]

A gent walks into a bar with his dog
Bartender says you can't come in here with a dog
Gent says but it's my seeing eye dog
Bartender apologizes and serves him up

Few minutes passes by and another gent walks in with his dog
1st gent sees the gent with the dog and says what he should tell the bartender

On que the bartender says no dogs allowed !
gent says it my seeing eye dog

Bartender says , ya sure a cha wa wa seeing eye dog

Gent says; is that what they gave me.

Happy new year!