We need some laughs here !!!

[Marco]

Veterinary doctor to lady pet/dog owner: " Try to STOP talking to him in that SICKENING baby voice and see if THAT stops his VOMITING"


Mark

[jcampbell]

Love it Jesse!!

[Uncle Jesse]

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

And not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.

[Marco]

"..............and on the SEVENTH DAY.......................

Good One UJ!

[Marco]

For fear of this Pandemic going on for a while and into near election time, I ordered 5000 mail in vote forms lest they become scarce.

Mark
PS: And to save a lot of angst, if YOU won't be able to get to the polls, send me your info ( and that of some of your SENIOR neighbors) and I'll do it all for YOU/THEM.

PS: YES....posted correctly in "We need some laughs here" forum

[Old #art]

Mark,
Can you use them in place of toilet paper?

George

[Old #art]

It’s been a blessing being home with the wife for three weeks now. We’ve caught up on everything I’ve done wrong for fifteen years.

[Marco]

Hey ( I assume) Art,
You're fortunate. Yours was only an audit of the last 15 years, MINE ihas been, and is currently in bloom since June 8, 1967. No big issues, to wit, toilet paper roll rotation and why I so wastefully "spill" so much fine single malt. Rest assured, there are a few others but NONE which wouldn't be mitigated by " you're right honey, but why didn't you let me know earlier" .................................................. ..regardless.

Mark

[jcampbell]

Never argue with your wife. She is ALWAYS right or you get cut off in more ways than one.

[Uncle Jesse]

Never argue with your wife. She is ALWAYS right or you get cut off in more ways than one.

My wife isn't always right, but she is NEVER wrong. I am fortunate that I have a basement equipped with various power tools, a good supply of expendable wood and other forms of entertainment, including fly tying materials and equipment, in addition to a comfortable recliner, computer with large monitor/TV and radios tuned to AM & FM stations. If the bathrooms and kitchens were not upstairs I could probably disappear for a week before being missed.