We need some laughs here !!!

[Goduster]

Ribbit,Ribbit,Ribbit

[EdD]

Goduster, did Betty sneak up on you, too?

Ed

[Lew]

An old prospector shuffled into the town of Helena, Montana leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance ... never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet.


Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.


The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the mountain air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly.The silence was almost deafening.


The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 10 gauge barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's behind?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir ... but... I've always wanted to."

[Host Ray]

Dad buys a LIE DETECTOR ROBOT which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner. "Son, where were you today?" The son says "at school dad." Robot slaps the son! "Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends house!" "What dvd?" "Toy story." Robot slaps the son again! "Ok, it was a porno" cries the son. Dad yells "What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was!" Robot then slaps the dad! Mom laughs "HaHaHa! He's certainly YOUR son." Robot then slaps the mom!!!!

[Steve Molcsan]

A family moves into a house next to an empty lot with their ten year old girl.

One day a construction crew show up to the lot and starts to build a new house.

The little girl takes much interest watching the crews work that she becomes sort

of a construction mascot and the crew finds odd jobs for here to do from time to time

one day the crew give her an envelope with ten dollars for here efforts

she shows it to her mom who tells her that they should open a saving account

at the local bank .

Once at the bank the bank officer asks her how she earned the ten dollars

and she told about the construction crew and helping.

The bank officer asks if she will be helping again next week

and she replies Yes if those AH's at Lowels delivery the sheetrock

Kinda brings a tear to you eye don't it.....

[Old #art]

Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [ Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County Deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog-catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole 's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullets from his pistol fitted perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge .
After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exited the pavement, and struck a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never again operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released.

"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might be dead," stated Wallis.

"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Deputy Snyder.

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia ( Poole 's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck?

Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.

[Uncle Jesse]

THE HAIRCUT

Blessed are those thatcan give without remembering, and take without forgetting.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut,he asked about his bill,and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing communityservice this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. Whenthe barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thankyou' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill , the barber again replied,'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service thisweek.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barberwent to open up, there was a 'thank you ' card and a dozen donutswaiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to payhis bill , the barber againreplied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service thisweek.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop. The next morning,when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen linedup waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our countryand the politicians who run it.

BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON!

[Marco]

Failing the Breathalizer. This one is FUNNY. CLICK ON THE PHOTO to view clip.



Mark

[Uncle Jesse]

If you are a youngster you might not have be familiar with my fellow Mississippian and alumni Jerry Clower. Jerry was making jokes about rednecks when Jeff Foxworth was in grade school.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLnAZ...eature=related

[Ron Eagle Elk]

UJ,

I think I've heard Jeff Foxworthy use a couple of Jerry Clower's lines. I must have listened to a dozen or so of his youtube bits. That man is pure iunderstated hilarious. Thanks for sharing that.

REE