We need some laughs here !!!

[Panman]

For some reason I found this somewhat humorous on Craig's list.

A guy complains on Craig's list about a fast food meal.

Here is another's response.


You're joking right? You would eat that slop to start with? and than complain about the slop you got?
Pigs at the trough don't care what they eat! now stop complaining!

Tim

[Ed_D]

Building Employee Loyalty

Late last year a friend of mine was talking to his wife. She told him that her Mother was coming for a few days the next week and he should take off a couple of days from work to help show her around. "Great", my friend thought, "I'm about out of days off for the year and I've got to waste 'em like this. What he said was,
"Yes Dear. What a lovely idea." (It should be noted that the Preamble to the US Constitution doesn't guarantee actual "Domestic Tranquility".)

My friend went in to see his boss, asked for two days off, and explained why he needed them. His boss looked him square in the eye and sternly said,
"No way I can let you any days off next week. We are just too busy."
My friend looked back at his boss and said,
"Thanks. I knew you'd understand."

This is how good bosses assure employee loyalty.


Regards,
Ed

[Captain_Mortis]

Some of the best chuckles come from our members' posts, thanks to ScottP and Ed D:

Quote Originally Posted by ScottP View Post

Found this over on the MFC site. Not sure if it's supposed to be a spinner or a dun; gonna see what the fish think. Change color/size to suit your hatches.
<snip>
I have a mental image of ScottP squatting down on the stream bank, notepad and pencil in hand, with a trout in his landing net. He is saying to the trout, "Alright, if you don't answer I'm not doing catch and release with you. Once last time, did you think this was a spinner, or a dun?"

[CharlaineC]

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypen15," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough." We know where her mind was.

[CharlaineC]

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

[CharlaineC]

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

[CharlaineC]

Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say, "Jes?s is watching you." He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard, "Jes?s is watching you." In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked the parrot, "Was it you who said Jes?s is watching me" The parrot replied, "Yes." Relieved, the burglar asked, "What is your name?" The parrot said, "Clarence." The burglar said, "That's a stupid name for a parrot. What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot answered, "The same idiot that named the rottweiler Jes?s."

[Captain_Mortis]

A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Chuck's house and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died."

Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "Cant do that. I went and spent it already."

Chuck said, "Okay, then just bring my the dead horse."

The farmer asked, "What are you going to do with him?"

Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead horse!"

Chuck said, "Sure I can, watch me. I just won't tell any body he's dead."

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened with that dead horse?"

Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $5 each and a made a profit of $2495."

The farmer said, "Did't anyone complain?"

Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his five dollars back."

Chuck grew up and now works for the government.

[maodiver]

So.....my wife's sonogram came back. Can't tell if it's a boy or girl, but we're still overjoyed.
image.jpg

[Bluegill Budd]

An older farmer stepped into the farm supply store and the clerk behind the desk asked if he could be of some help. The farmer says, ?Yep ? I need a milking machine.? The clerk asked the fellow how big his dairy herd was to get an idea on how big a machine he would need. The reply was ?Don?t have a herd, only got one cow.? The clerk started to explain that even with the smallest machine he could get it would take him longer to set it up, milk the one cow, empty it and clean it so it could be put up. The farmer said, ?Yep I know that, but I still need one.? OK says the clerk as he filled out the order form. Then he asked out of curiosity why the fellow needed a machine for only one cow. The farmer explained. My brother came in from the city the other day and we got to sitting around talking, smoking cigars and drinking some of that fine whiskey he likes to bring when he visits. Well the next morning when the alarm went off I thought I would die, my head hurt so much. But I knew I had ole bossy to milk so I went out to the barn. I set up the stool and put the bucket under her udder and started milking her like I do every morning. She commenced to swinging her tail and hitting me in the head like she usually does but remember I had a horrible headache. So I grabbed a bit of rope, tied one end to her tail and the other to a sash weight I had and threw that weight over the rafter in the barn to keep her from slapping me up alongside my head. I sat back down and started to milk her again and she kicked over the bucket. The noise liked to kill me, so I got some more of the rope, tied one end to her hind leg and the other to the upright of the stall, and did the same thing to the other leg. About that time my wife walked in and if you can convince her all I was doing was milking that cow, I don?t need no milking machine.