As a History teacher, I loved these when I found it.
As a History teacher, I loved these when I found it.
"Trust, but verify" - Russian Proverb, as used by Ronald Reagan
The graveside service just barely finished when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the preacher and calmly said, "Well, she's there."
I'm either going to, coming from or thinking about fishing. Jim
An elderly couple, who had just learned how to send text messages on their mobile phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.
She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."
The husband texted back to her:
"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
Warren
Fly fishing and fly tying are two things that I do, and when I am doing them, they are the only 2 things I think about. They clear my mind.
A little boy asked his father, "Dad. Where did my intelligence come from?"
The Father replied, "Well son. You must have got it from your mother, because I still have mine.
I'm either going to, coming from or thinking about fishing. Jim
The Will
Doug Rosenberg is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him.
He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
- My son, "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
- My daughter "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end."
- My son, "Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
- "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Rosenberg, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property".
Sarah replies, "Property ? .... the a$$$$$$ had a newspaper route!"
( slow day, the best I could do)
Technology gifts can be dangerous !!
It all began with an iPhone...
March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?
I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.
Our daughter's birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.
My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.
It was around then that the fight started..
What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.
This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.
I should be out of the hospital next week!!
iHurt
Want to hear God laugh? Tell him Your plans!!!
One day, a little girl asked her father, " Dad, how did the human race start?"
The father answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so all mankind was made."
Later, the little girl asked her mother the same question. Her mother answered,
"Many years ago there were monkeys and apes, from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her father and said, "Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Mom said they developed from monkeys?"
The father answered, "Well, dear, it's really very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your mother told you about hers."
Want to hear God laugh? Tell him Your plans!!!
I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first drink.
Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.
- I got him a Miller Genuine.
- He didn't like it – so I drank it.
- Then I got him an Old Style.
- He didn't like it either, so I drank it.
- It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.
- So I drank them both as well.
- By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey, I could hardly push the stroller back home.
Seen on a local business. A computer repair shop,I believe. " Autocorrect is our worst enema. "
No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the difference between "complete" and "finished." However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was the presenter when he was asked to make that very distinction.
The question put to him by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: "Some say there is no difference between 'complete' an 'finished.' Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand."
Mr. Balgobin's response: "When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.' And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished.'"
His answer received a five minute standing ovation..
Trout don't speak Latin.
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote