We need some laughs here !!!

[Uncle Jesse]

I'm pretty sure I fished with that guy when we were both visiting eastern AZ. He's from Oakland, CA.

[Bluegill Budd]

A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter. "This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?" The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding."

[Bluegill Budd]

Private Jones was being Court Marshalled for disrespecting a senior officer after getting in a shouting match with the Commanding Officer.
The First Sergeant was on the stand being questioned, as he was present for the entire event.

Defendant?s Attorney: ?First Sergeant, where you present when the Private called the C.O. a ?Son of a Bitch??
First Sergeant: ?Yes Sir I was.?
Defendant?s Attorney: ?Did he refer to the CO by name, when he called him that??
First Sergeant: ?No Sir, he did not.?
Defendant?s Attorney: ?So how do you know he was referring to the C.O.??
First Sergeant: ?That was easy; the C.O. was the only Son of a Bitch in the room at the time.?

[Old #art]

A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 7 months later, she awakens and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins-a boy and a girl-and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you.

Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise

Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy?

Doctor: Denephew.

[TyroneFly]

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident.
The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.

The couple sat and
waited for an answer... for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"

Another month passed.
St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.

"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!!!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?"

[Marco]

Tyrone,
VERY anti Catholic ( very funny) insinuation ,BUT we, unlike the MUSLIMS , can hadle it without beheading anyone

Mark

[herefishy]

But can the lawyers handle it?

[Uncle Jesse]

After being eliminated from the World Cup soccer playoff, the Nigerian team captain personally apologized, and offered to refund all the expenses incurred by their fans for travel and lodging in Brazil.

He just needs their account numbers and PINs to make the transaction.

[maodiver]

For the Middle Aged among us
image.jpg

[Tig]

Had to read the first three - then the light went on - very clever