"I have good news and bad news," the defense lawyer says to his client.
"What's the bad news?"
The lawyer says, "Your blood matches the DNA found at the murder scene."
"Dammit!" cries the client. "What's the good news?"
"Well," the lawyer says, "Your cholesterol is down to 140."
Want to hear God laugh? Tell him Your plans!!!
Six Truths in Life
1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, a physical impossibility.
2. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.
3. And discover #1 is a lie.
4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.
5. You soon will copy and forward this to another idiot.
6. There is still a stupid smile on your face.
Want to hear God laugh? Tell him Your plans!!!
Jesse,
Allow me to point out the title of this thread: "We Need Some Laughs Here".
Allan, I cannot force you to laugh. I can only encourage you. I suspect, although I have no confession or hard evidence (no videos) that a few people looked up and the ceiling and stuck their tongue out and then laughed at themselves.Originally Posted by Allan
If you are willing to laugh at yourself, someone else will do it for you.
Want to hear God laugh? Tell him Your plans!!!
Wich is why I did NOT try it here at work!!!!
Wyo-Blizzard
An older man, not in the best physical condition, asked the trainer in the gym, "I want to impress a beautiful young girl. Which machine should I use?"
The trainer replied, "Use the ATM machine outside!"
Want to hear God laugh? Tell him Your plans!!!
Two men, an American and an Indian we re sitting in a bar and discussing about their family problems..
Shot after shot...
The Indian man said to the American, 'We have problem in India we can't marry the one whom we love, You know my
parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.' We call this arranged marriage.
I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a lot of family problems.'
The American said, talking about love marriages... In America We can marry the one whom we love.. I'll tell you my story. 'I
married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.
After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step- daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law
and I became my father's father-in-law. Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle.
Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have
become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems.'
The Indian fainted........!!
"Trust, but verify" - Russian Proverb, as used by Ronald Reagan
The Jewish Tie Salesman
A fleeing Afghan terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack - selling ties.
The Afghan terrorist asked, "Do you have water?"
The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."
The Afghan shouted hysterically, "Idiot Infidel! I do not need such an over-priced western adornment. I spit on your ties. I need water!”
"Sorry, I have none - just ties - pure silk - and only $5."
"Pahh! A curse on your ties, I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you but... I must conserve my energy and find water!"
"Okay," said the little old Jewish man, “It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me or that you hate me, threaten my life and call me infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need... Go In Peace."
Cursing him again, the desperate Afghan staggered away over the hill.
Several hours later he crawled back, almost dead and gasped...
"They won't let me in without a tie!”
This is just an observation, but I think this may be the longest running thread ever on FAOL. It should get some kind of prize, or honorable mention......
You Might Be A Fly Fisher If......
Your wedding reception was held in a Fly Shop.
You've ever worn a fishing shirt to a funeral.
They only time anyone ever saw you cry is when you broke the tip on your bamboo fly rod.
You actually believe that you can save money tying your own flies.
Any of your children were conceived in the back of a drift boat.
You can't remember your childrens names, but you can identify every insect you see on a stream, complete with scientific name and life-cycle.
You were UA at the birth of your first child, because it happened on the first day of a hatch.
Your biggest fear is that when you die, your wife will sell all of your fly fishing gear for what you told her you paid for it.....
Your wife asks you to do something romantic on your anniversary, so you take her night-fishing.
If she thinks that was a great idea........she may be one, too.
If your fly-tying vise cost more than your car.
If you think 'casual attire' means neoprene waders.
If you think the Jetstream is a place with really fast-swimming trout.
You think Gefiltefish can be caught on a fly.
You find a nude beach full of voluptuous women, and think to yourself, "Wow! I bet this is a good place to fish!"
You get Christmas cards from Orvis, Cabela's, Waspi, etc.....
If you are not out fishing, you are on FAOL's website.
Out of my mind.........Back in 10 minutes.
Last edited by Gigmaster; 05-09-2013 at 06:58 AM.
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