We need some laughs here !!!

[Uncle Jesse]

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

[gmac209]

A dad walks into a market with his young son. The boy is holding a Quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. the dad realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.A well-dressed, attractive, but serious-looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds her newspaper, and places it on the counter. Then she gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurriedly, across the market.Reaching the boy, the woman pulls the boy's pants down, carefully takes hold of his testicles, and starts to squeeze, gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.Releasing the boy, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her profusely, saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before. It was fantastic. Are you a doctor?""No," she says, "Divorce attorney."

[ducksterman]

Drink responsively, and by that I mean don't spill it.

[Silver Creek]

Three men die and go to meet St. Peter he tells the 3 men "in order to get into heaven you each must have something on you that relates to Christmas.? The first man pulls out a lighter and says "its a candle" you may enter says St. Peter. The second man pulls out his keys and says "look there're jingle bells," you also may enter says St. Peter. The third man reaches in his pocket and pulls out a pair of women?s underwear. St. Peter looks at him with a raised eyebrow, and the man says "there're Carol's."

[Silver Creek]

Those Rowdy Irishmen!McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. "S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done,"what was that all about?" "Nothin', said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives.

[Silver Creek]

Sexual Harassment......A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to Human Resources. Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him. The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks...."What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice? The woman replies...."It's Keith, the midget."

[lastchance]

Sexual Harassment......A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to Human Resources. Without identifying the guy, she tells them what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him. The HR supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks...."What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice? The woman replies...."It's Keith, the midget."

Now that's funny!