Originally Posted by Uncle Jesse
That didn't end the way I was expecting!
That didn't end the way I was expecting!
Wives are like that, and "They're everywhere!"
Every husband should know how well their wife can shot. Mine's pretty a good shot. (Another reason she's the boss.)
Want to hear God laugh? Tell him Your plans!!!
First time my wife shot pistol she hit dead center in the bulls eye from 50 feet away... so I am very careful to keep her happy
A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi were discussing life. The Priest said life started at conception. The Minister said life started at birth.
The Rabbi said that they were both very wrong. They both asked why? The Rabbi replied that life started when the kids left home and the dog died.
Rick
The lawyer says to the wealthy art collector tycoon: “I have some good news and, I have some bad news….”
The tycoon replies: “I’ve had an awful day, let’s hear the good news first."
The lawyer says: “Well, your wife invested $5,000 in two pictures this week that she figures are worth a minimum of $2 to $3 million.”
The tycoon replies enthusiastically: “Well done…very good news indeed! You’ve just made my day; now what’s the bad news?”
The lawyer answers: “The pictures are of you with your secretary.”
Want to hear God laugh? Tell him Your plans!!!
~ ~ ~ Off To The Pharmacy ~ ~ ~
One day an old man goes into a pharmacy, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon laying it on the counter.
He asks the pharmacist, “could you taste this for me, please”.
Being a senior citizen, the pharmacist went along. Taking the spoon with a tiny dab of the liquid, he puts it in his mouth swills the liquid around and with a grimacing look spits it out in a cup.
“Now does that taste sweet to you.” says the old man?
The pharmacist said to the old man. “no!”
“Oh that's a relief”, says the old man, “the doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar”.
How successful your son
4 friends (Ladies) meet 30 years after school at reunion.....
One goes to take food while the other 3 start to talk about how successful their sons became.
No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich, he gave his best friend a ferrari.
No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline became so rich, he gave his best friend a jet.
No. 3 said her son became an engineer, started his own development company became so rich, he build his best friend a castle.
No 4. came back with a plate full of food and asked what the buzz is about.
They told her they were talking about how successful their sons became and asked her about her son.
She said her son is gay and he works in a Gay Bar.
The other 3 said she must be very disappointed with her son for not becoming successful.
" Oh no !! " said the Lady, he is doing good.
" Last week on his birthday he got a ferrari, a jet and a castle from 3 of his boyfriends..."
( This joke won an award for the Best Joke in a competition held in Britain.)
My Favorite Animal
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am now...
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on his hiney by a rattlesnake. “I’ll go into town for a doctor,” the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby.
“I can’t leave,” the doctor says. “But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground.”
The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. “What did the doctor say?” the victim cries.
“He says you’re gonna die.”
Want to hear God laugh? Tell him Your plans!!!
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote