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Thread: We need some laughs here !!!

  1. #1611
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    Klonsky's Shoe Repair



    Ira Kaplan hadn't returned to the old neighborhood since he went off to fight in Vietnam. During a business trip to New York he visited his old neighborhood on 170th street in the Bronx, noting that everything has changed over the years.

    Where once there was Edelstein’s Delicatessen, there was now a McDonald’s; where Fleischman’s Dry Cleaning (One-Hour Martinizing) used to be, a Korean nail salon and spa now was; where Ginsberg’s Department Store was, there was now a Gap. Nothing was the same, except for the narrow storefront of Klonsky’s Shoe Repair, which, dimly lit as ever, was still in business.

    As Kaplan passed the shop, he recalled (such are the quirks of memory that he does not know how) that just before he was drafted to go off to Vietnam, he had left a pair of shoes with Mr. Klonsky that he never bothered to pick up. Could they, he wondered, possibly still be there?

    A small bell tinkled as he entered the dark shop. Mr. Klonsky, who seemed old 40 years ago, shuffled out from the back. He was hunched over, wearing a leather apron, one eye all but closed.

    “Excuse me, Mr. Klonsky,” Kaplan said, “but I used to live in this neighborhood, and 40 years ago I left a pair of shoes with you for repair that I never picked up. Is there any chance you might still have them?”

    Klonsky starred at him and, in his strong Eastern European accent, asked, “Vas dey black vingtips?” “They were indeed,” Kaplan only now recalled. “And you vanted a halv sole, mit rubber heels?” “Yes,” Kaplan relied, “that’s exactly what I wanted.” “And you vanted taps on the heels only?” “Yes, yes,” said Kaplan, “amazing! Do you still have them?”



    Mr. Klonsky looked up at him, his good eye asquint, and announced, “Dey’ll be ready Vendsday.”



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  2. #1612
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    Nov 2004
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    Lake In The Hills. IL USA
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    /FAOL member to member exchange a few years ago......

    Flygodess ( Joanee- a foxy flyfisher chickee) cathin a spellin error by Overmywaders ( to our loss, not so active lately)..............

    flygoddess,


    You said: "Bare with me..." Twenty or thirty years ago that might have been a tempting offer, but watching you convulse in hysterical laughter would be the expected response today. ...
    11-29-2009, 08:04 PM
    Thread: Felt Soles vs Rubber, Again
    by overmywaders.


    I know, you had to be there.
    Mark

    On the other hand, the exchange may/could have been/ probably was in REVERSE
    Last edited by Marco; 12-24-2017 at 09:00 PM.
    THAT being said, I'd rather be in Wyoming.

  3. #1613
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    NE Gwinnett Co., GA
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    Oliver Purblicoff was teeing off from the men's tee. On his down swing, he realized that his wife, Maureen, was teeing up on the woman's tee directly in front of him.

    Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple, killing her instantly....

    A few days later, Oliver got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.

    Coroner: "Oliver, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force-trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that correct?"

    Oliver: "Yes, sir, that's correct."

    Coroner: "Well, inexplicably, I found a golf ball wedged up her butt."

    Oliver: "Was it a Titleist 3?"

    Coroner: "Yes, it was."

    Oliver: "That was my mulligan."
    Last edited by Uncle Jesse; 01-01-2018 at 03:54 AM.
    It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. Mark Twain

  4. #1614
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    It Is goodwhen you can combine humor and wisdom. If you have been around aviation, the military and especially militaryaviation these may be familiar. I wasprivileged to serve with Army National Guard aviation units (OH-6A &UH-1D&H) for most of 23 years. Iknow some of Uncle Sam’s Fly Club and the Navy aviator are reluctant to countthat as aviation, but it is what it is.
    ================================================== =============================================

    BASIC MILITARY& FLYING RULES.

    'Tryto stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges ofthe air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, and trees.It is much more difficult to fly there."

    Nothingis so good for the morale of the troops as to occasionally see a dead general. - Field MarshalSlim

    'Ifthe enemy is in range, so are you.' - Infantry Journal

    'Tracerswork both ways.' - ArmyOrdnance Manual

    "Tryto look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal

    "Braveryis being the only one who knows you're afraid." - Col. DavidHackworth

    ‘Don'tever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer foranything.’ US Navy

    'Agood landing is when you can walk away from the plane. A great landing is when you can reuse theplane. - On the wall of the student pilots rest roomColumbus AFB MS, 1974

    'Thereis no reason to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.' -Sign at Pope AFB C-130 Squadron thatsupports Fort Bragg Airborne

    'Ifsomething hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.'- Sign over Carrier Group Operations Desk

    'Theonly time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'

    'Flashlightsare tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storingdead batteries.'

    Whena flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.' - Infantry Journal

    'Fivesecond grenade fuses last about three seconds.'- Infantry Journal –

    Aimtowards the Enemy. - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

    'Airspeed, altitude, and brains. Two of these are always necessary tosuccessfully complete the mission.

    Thethree most useless things in aviation are: Fuel in the bowser; Runway behindyou; and Air above you.' - Basic Flight Training Manual

    Havinglost sight of our objectives we need to redouble our efforts.

    "Noinspection-ready unit has done well in combat." Anon

    "Nocombat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

    "Thingsthat must be together to work, usually can't be shipped together." Supply Training Manual

    'Anyship can be a minesweeper. Once.‘ - Naval Ops Manual


    'Theeasy way is always mined.' - ArmySpecial Ops Manual


    'What is the similaritybetween air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilotdies; but if ATC screws up ... the pilot dies.’ - Sign over Control Tower Door

    ‘If you see a bombtechnician running, try to keep up with him.' -Infantry Journal-

    'Flying the airplane ismore important than radioing your “plight” to a person on the ground incapableof understanding or doing anything about it.' -Emergency Checklist

    "Anything you do canget you shot, including doing nothing" Ranger Manual

    "Teamwork is essential,it gives them someone else to shoot at." -Squadron Officers School Class Theme

    'Pilots, please taxi upclose when sumping your fuel cell. You may have lower manifold pressure andshorter exhaust stacks than you realized.' - Sign over men's urinal, Casey Jones Flying Service, Ontario OR 1968

    'The Piper Cub is thesafest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.' - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

    'If you hear me yell;"Eject, Eject, Eject!", the last two will be echos.' If you stop toask "Why?", you'll be talking to yourself, because by then you'll bethe pilot.‘ -Pre-flight briefing from an F-15 Pilot

    The three most common military aviation expressions(or famous last words) are: 'Didyou feel that?' 'What's that noise?' and 'Oh Sh*t!'

    ‘If you find yourself ina fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly.’ - David Hackworth

    'You've never been lostuntil you've been lost at Mach 3.' - Paul F.Crickmore (SR-71 test pilot)-

    'If the wings aretraveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter and therefore,unsafe.' - Fixed Wing Pilot

    'Mankind has a perfectrecord in aviation - we have never left one up there!' - Unknown Author

    Coffee tastes better ifthe latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. - US Army Field Regulations, 1861

    "No man is a leader untilhis appointment is ratified in the minds and hearts of his men" - Anonymous, "The Infantry Journal”
    It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. Mark Twain

  5. #1615

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    Once again, Jesse-- You done good with that one !

  6. #1616
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
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    East Central Florida
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    You can always tell a fighter pilot, you just can't tell them much.

  7. #1617
    Join Date
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    Quote Originally Posted by RHenn View Post
    You can always tell a fighter pilot, you just can't tell them much.
    Fighter pilots have universally defeated all episodes of excessive humility.
    It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. Mark Twain

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