I need Heeeelp. My niece just e-mailed this to me, and I'm at a loss for a defense/counter attack. I've only got 46 years of marriage under my belt, so I'm relatively new to this kind of frontal offensive. Rebuttals! That's what I need. Rebuttals. Quick, while there's still time!

Men Are Just Happier People...
What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never get
pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Shoot, you can
wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never
have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just
too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on
a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress:
$5000.00. Tux rental: $100.00. People never stare at your chest when
you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is not only
appreciated by your friends, but practically expected. New shoes don't
cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone
conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your
own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more
than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are
unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color The same hairstyle
lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and
neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides
your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all
seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do"
your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning
growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on
December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.