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Do you know why the Cowboy adopted a weiner dog?

He wanted to get a long little doggie.....

Do you know why Pirates have trouble learning the alphabet?

The keep getting lost at 'C'.

A Viking named Rudolph the Red was sitting at his kitchen table looking out the window.

He turned to his wife and said "It's going to rain".

His wife, looking at him askance, replies "It's a...

ALERTS TO THREATS
IN 2013 EUROPE

From JOHN CLEESE
...
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to...

HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL:

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in th...e crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently...

John,

A rerun of Disney's LITTLE MERMAID?

Why do Mermaids wear seashells?

Because b-shells are too small.....

Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like a banana.

I knew this guy who was addicted to brake fluid. But he said he could stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

I'm reading a book about...

the potty

a little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a...

A group of Army staff officers are getting ready for a meeting.

While waiting for the coffee to finish brewing, the Colonel starts a conversation with his staff about his lack of sleep the...

The teacher asked the class if anyone knew how many seconds were in a year.

Little Johnny's hand went up immediately.

"Twelve" he said.

"Only twelve?" the teacher asked, "are you sure?"
...

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No," he says, "The seat is empty."

"This is...

Traffic Camera

A lady was driving when she saw the flash of a traffic camera. She figured that her picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though she knew she was not speeding.
...

BBW,

Actually, it's not the way of things to come...

It's the way it's been for almost all of recorded human history.

It's only in the very recent times (historically speaking) that it's...

Did you all know that Chuck Norris is so tough...

That when he goes swimming he doesn't get wet...

The water gets 'Chucked'?

Buddy