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An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: "A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; we'll pay you $1,000 if we fail."

A...

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a...

My wife and I went to the Calgary Bull Sale & Agricultural Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that...

15059

Happy Independence Day

When you're from the farm, your perception is a little bit different..
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.
A boy, about 9, opened the door.
"Is your dad or mom home?"...

guy in the back of a plane stands up and yells, "HIJACK!!"




Guy in the front the plane stands up, looks back, and yells, "HI Frank!!"


I double dog dare you to try this...

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highwaywhen he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts,which he gratefully munches up. ...

Carl and Rosanne lived in Minnesota.
It was early winter and the lower portion of the their lake had frozen over.
Carl asked Rosanne if she would walk across the frozen part of the lake to the...

Has this ever worked for you?

http://youtu.be/cUusX1Js6R0

So.....my wife's sonogram came back. Can't tell if it's a boy or girl, but we're still overjoyed.
13575

New ATM Procedures

A local bank is very pleased to announce that they are installing new Drive-thru ATMs where their customers will be able withdraw cash without leaving their vehicle.

Male...

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?'

He replies, 'Just crap in...

A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the...

I left my pair Raiders Tickets on my dashboard in Oakland...when I came back, I had a broken window, and there were FOUR Raiders tickets on my dashboard.

I hear in Oakland, when the cops pull you...

jokes don't have to be safe...jokes take a risk that someone won't laugh, someone will be offended, and the majority won't care.

Where's the best place to hide from a tornado? Lambeau...

As a History teacher, I loved these when I found it.

For the Middle Aged among us
13124

13099 It's a Trek thing

A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing-eye dog. He stands in the center of the bar, takes the dog by the chain, and starts swinging him above his head.

Everyone stops and stares. Upset about...

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded,...

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them...

Heard the one about the three blondes that went ice fishing and didn't catch anything?

By the time they cut a hole big enough for the boat to fit in it was time to go home.

12494. Mmmmmm Bacon...

12441

Anyone down for some shooting?

A preacher was giving the children's sermon up in the front of the congregation. The topic of the day was "The Resurrection". The pastor asked his young charges if any of them knew what...