Summer's almost here ...we can now see the deer moving around in our back yard.
Attachment 7391
Yep, won't be long.
Printable View
Summer's almost here ...we can now see the deer moving around in our back yard.
Attachment 7391
Yep, won't be long.
With all due respect for all the blondes I've loved before. Stolen from Brad-Kaboom
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh .... ........
(scroll down)
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
This little "X" junfortunately hides the PUNCH LINE - A Kellogs Corn Flakes box with large rooster on it's front face. (SORRY) http://www.flyanglersonline.com/bb/2...5487A@SONYVAIO
Marco,
I think I dated that girl in my younger days.
REE
IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two..' We haven't used Sears repair since.
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My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter..
She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change..
Do not confuse the clerks or managers at McD's.
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I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore." From Kingman , AZ
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My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco... She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce. From Kansas City
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I was at the airport, checking-in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.' This happened in Birmingham , Ala.
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The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!' She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
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At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.' Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments...
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I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office
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When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already got that side.' This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS
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STAY ALERT! They walk among us... and they VOTE and they REPRODUCE
City Fisherman
A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a
small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his
tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious the man
rowed over and asked, "What is the mirror for?"
"That's my secret way to catch fish," said the other man.
"Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice
the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the
surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them
into the boat."
"Wow! Does that really work?"
"You bet it does."
"Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give
you $30 for it."
"Well, okay."
After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked,
"By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?"
"You're the sixth," he said.
A piece of string goes into a saloon. "Whaddaya want? Asks the saloon keeper.
"Gimme a cold beer" says the string.
"What are you? A piece of twine?" he asks.
"Nope, Just a string." the string replies.
"I don't serve your kind. Get outta here!"
The string goes out to the alley, unravels his top, ties a bowline and frazzles the top all around it.
He goes back in the saloon, gets on a barstool and says, "Hey barkeep, Can I get a beer?"
Bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, ain't you that piece of string I just kicked outta here?"
String says, "Nope, frayed knot."
To borrow a line from a earlier post -
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
Just gave this box to my wife. That should keep her occupied until bedtime.
http://i268.photobucket.com/albums/j...cornflakes.jpg
It is a slow day in the small Colorado town of Pumphandle and streets are deserted.
Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.
A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night.
As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op.
The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.
The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner. The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything.
At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves.
No one produced anything.
No one earned anything...
However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a "stimulus package" works.