Loss of our son, Dan

Considered not posting this on the board; but, thought it might help or comfort others in a similar situation. This is still fresh and painful; but, through the prayers, thoughts and kind gestures we received from so many people we're doing okay.

Three weeks ago today we lost our youngest son, Dan, after a long and sometimes painful illness that he bravely endured. He and my mom shared the same birthday and it was also our wedding anniversary; so, he was "special" as a birthday and anniversary gift to us many years ago.

Words are inadequate to express our appreciation for all the wonderful care and efforts extended during Dan's prolonged illness; especially during the last painful year that included the loss of his sight and memory problems. The folks from the Hospice Care center and the Home Health nurses were especially kind and caring and we could never thank them enough.

Near the end Dan came to accept the God that he was so angry with for so long. His daytime caregiver relayed to us that whenever he seemed distressed he would repeat the "Lord's Prayer", over and over, and she would say it with him. She also taught him a few religious songs and he sang some with her.

Unfortunately, we weren't there at the end due to circumstances and living in another state. We had been notified that Dan wasn't doing well and that we should make plans to go to his home. We spent the day packing and making preparations. I had a premonition that we should have gone the night before even if it meant driving after dark and arriving late. I will always regret not following through on it. Next morning, just as we were about to leave, we received a call notifying us that Dan had just passed away. We were terribly saddened; but, would have been shocked to have arrived and found his bed empty.

Later on his daytime caregiver relayed to us his final words, which have given us much comfort, and are the point of this posting. We would like to share them with you all.

She arrived early and shortly thereafter noticed that Dan was either having some trouble breathing or was trying to say something. As he hadn't been able to speak much above a whisper the last few days, she went to his bed, bent over, and asked Dan what was the matter.

She said he then replied in a clear strong voice, " I HAVE TO GO NOW." She told him that his mom and I were coming to see him that day and asked if he couldn't hold on just a bit longer till we got there. Dan again replied clearly, " I HAVE TO GO NOW - WITH THEM!"

She told him that God loved him, we loved him and she did too and that if he really had to go it was okay. She said he then slowly exhaled one last breath and peacfully left this troubled world forever.

We don't know, and never will for sure, who his "escorts" were at the end; but, would like to think that God sent his angels for Dan.

His uncle Jim, who died last November, told us to tell Dan that he would be waiting for him. My mom died last December and a brother-in-law this April. They may have been among his "escorts" too.

Whether one "believes" or has faith, there are some things that are left to us to ponder and question and maybe to restore us in times of trouble.

You may share Dan's final words with anyone you wish; especially, if they are concerned with or facing death and dying or need some comfort along the journey.

GrnMtMan

My sympathy and prayers to you and your family. I'm glad your son found during his last days, the peace that paseth all understanding.

Dave

My deepest sympathies to you and the rest of your family my friend. May God comfort you all through these difficult times.

I can only imagine the depths of your grief. I sit here with tears in my eyes for you (though we've never met) because the loss of a son is plainly more than I personally would be able to cope with. I daily go through a series of mental exercises asking the Powers Above to protect and care for each of my five children.

I will share your story with my wife, who I am sure will also feel a deep grief for you.

Stand tall, we're all with you during these days of travail.

Silvertop

That must have been awfully tough on you, but thank you for sharing. Sounds like Dan was very special, and it is obvious where he got that from.

My deepest sympathy to you and yours.You have comfort in the fact that you know he was not alone at the appointed time. He had company,Them,to walk into the afterlife with.He will watch over you and maybe be there a long time from now when perhaps the Lord will alow him to walk with you into the afterlife.It is of little comfort at this time but try and let it be.

GrnMyMan,

I'm saddened by your loss. My deepest sympathies to you and the rest of your family.

Allan

I also want to thank you for sharing your story with us. I know how difficult it must have been to type it out. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Joe

Grn Mt Man,
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know that.

Thanks for posting about your son. One can never know until they've been where you are. And your story was inspirational, to say the least.

Peace to you and your family.

Jeremy.

Grn Mt Man,

I sat here and read your post while crying my eyes out. I lost 12 family members within a two and one-half year time period.

What tore my heart at the core was the mention of "escorts". I vividly remember before my mother passed, while laying in a comatose state that she brief sat upright in the bed and announced to a wonderful nurse that "Kyle had came to get her".

Kyle was her 5 year old grandson who passed a year earlier from brain cancer/tumor.

What floored me the most was that while my dad and I were away eating a meal and getting out of the nursing home for a bit was to hear this news upon returning.

We found her lying in her comatose state and I knew in my heart of hearts that things would be okay as no one at the place of her care knew anything of "Kyle" so I knew it wasn't a story that someone fabricated.

It does add comfort to the pain.

Thank you so much for sharing and I know you know what I mean when I say " I understand how you feel"!

Peace be with you and your family.

RkyMtnGuy

Grn Mt Man;

Know that you have friends that care and will keep you in our prayers.

Thank You for sharing. Yes, I understand and feel the special spirit that Dan has and got from his family.

Don

Lovely about the angels. I believe it to my core.

Our heart is heavy for your loss, and may you find the Love and extra strength he gave you to carry on. He will always be by your side and may the reflections of his journey lite the way for years to come for you and the family.

Bless you
Philip

Grn Mt Man
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. Know that you and your family will indeed be in the prayers of many.

I sincerly appreaciate your sharing with us your sons last words. I have many times had the honor of being at the bedside of my friends as they passed from this life to the next. Your son's experiance of "being come for" happens more often than most people realize. I do hope that you are comforted in the knowlegde that his Lord has brought him home, and that he did not have to go alone.

May you and your wife be blessed with His comfort and peace..
Ed

My deepest sympathy to you and your family. A loss such as this reminds us all of the truly important things in life. 8T

Grn Mtn Man,
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Please know that the Lord has restored unto your son a perfect body and taken him to a place where there is no suffering.

God Bless

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Eric "nighthawk"

Air Cavalry all the way! When a voice cries out in distress, we will be there, no matter what the cost.

Grn Mt Man

Thanks for sharing, it does make a difference to us. You hang in there and remember he is sitting in heaven watching over you. My prayers are for you and your family to find peace and comfort in knowing where he is.

God be with you always.

Harold

Grn Mt Man,
Our deepest sympathies for you and your loved ones. We have neve lost a child but at the same time, we offer our most hertfelt condolences.
Crackleback (Bob A)

Grn Mtn Man,

Thanks, I to have an understanding and believe that someone is always there for those who pass on,As My Mom was there all the while my father was in the hospital dying of cancer,During his final moments she said he kept reaching toward a wall with both arms streched out.

And he had'nt had use of his left arm in many months...as the tumor was the size of his entire left chest,Bless you and your loved ones,Bill

Grn Mt Man;
It has taken me 5 hours to answer your post. And, I'm still having a hard time saying what I want to.
I have friend, just slightly older that we are that lost a son after a long illness last winter. His mother says she saw his soul leave his body. I belive her.
The hard part is the total loss of my friends drive to be alive. His health is poor, he has no desire to go on. I feel that if he had some place like FAOL to go to for support it would have made a difference. So much more than a couple of friends stopping by once in awhile. Sort of what friends are for.
Forgive me if this is inapproiate(?). But In a recent "Things for Sale" post a member had to sell a Bamboo rod to make his rent. The next thing you knew members were taking up a collection and offering replacement rods. Isn't this what "Friends are For".
It's why we're here.
May we share a stream some day.

Thanks for sharing your story during such a tough time. I can only imagine how hard it is losing a child - the mere thought of it (my sons are 4 and 2) brings me to tears as I write this. I lost my father 5 years ago, and the most difficult part of it was seeing the pain my grandparents went through during that time. You never expect to outlive your children.

God Bless you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

My condolences and prayers. JGW

So sorry for your loss. Thank you very much for sharing a beautiful tribute to your son and his wonderful caregivers.

With deepest sympathy... and gratitude,
Will

Grn Mt Man
Even though I have lost love ones in the past, my father when I was little, and my mother a few years ago, I can't even imagine what it's like to lose a son.
Please accept my deepest sympathy and condolences. Dan's experience of company during his passing over was not only inspiring, it was beautiful.
May the Lord's blessing be with you and your family.

Eric.

My thoughts are with you and yours.

Grn Mt Man

I don't know what to say. It must be heartbreaking indeed to lose one's son. I can only say then that I am glad that there was someone there to help him out, to help him along and to wish him well, he will continue to be loved by you all and will continue to love you back.

Deepest Care for you all

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RRhyne56
[url=http://www.robinscustomleadersandflies.com:984ff]http://www.robinscustomleadersandflies.com[/url:984ff]
IM = robinrhyne@hotmail.com

Many thanks to all "my family" here at FAOL for the thoughts and prayers. Dan's mom was especially touched by the outpouring of support. To those who also related personal experiences during the final moments of their loved one's passing; thank you for sharing the intimate details. It's sometimes very difficult to relive those moments; but, the strength and inspiration gained is worth the effort. Again, we thank you all for the comfort of your words.

Jane & Dick

I wish you the strength and endurance you need at this time. Sorry is a poor word in times of such loss, but is the best one we have.

It's difficult enough biding farewell to parents who have lived a long and full life, but to do so for one of your children stikes grief deep into the soul.

Let me say also that my thoughts are with you & yours.


Dale

I hope you find comfort in the years ahead, with good memories of your son during his stay on earth.

Loss & grieving is hard to go through. Faith gets us through; just knowing that we will see our loved ones again when our time comes, & God calls us home !!!!!
Thanks for sharing, & our prayers for God's strength are with you !!!!!

Dear Grn MT Man and family, I just returned home from my son's wedding in NYC, clicked on FAOL BB to see what was up and saw your post.. Having just been with my own son it really grabbed me. My heart is heavy for you. There are no adequate words to express my condolences. Remember the good times you had with him and the love you shared.. Keep him in your heart. Be assured that when his time on earth was thru, his final thoughts were of all of you. He knew your love. God bless you and keep you till you all meet again...Bob

Dear Gr Mtn Man,
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your son. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take-care.

So sorry to hear about your loss. I too lost a son eight years ago, although he was only a little over three months old. He died in an accident. I won't try to tell you that I know how you feel, because even losing a son also, it is always different. It does tend to be a moment that defines the rest of our lives. If you or any of your family need any help or support in this difficult time, there is a group called the "Compassionate Friends", that is a group just for people who have lost a child. Here's a link to their web page. Give it a look. Even if you find that it's not for you, let you wife and if you have other children have a look at it too. They all need to grieve.
[url=http://www.compassionatefriends.org/:3ad33]http://www.compassionatefriends.org/[/url:3ad33]

The pain never does go away, but in time it does get easier. I often think about him when I am fishing, wondering what he would be like now...would he like to fish too...all the what if's. But I also find healing on those waters too. There is something about a trout stream that is able to cleanse the soul and ease that pain if only for a little while, and that is good enough for me.

I will keep you and yours in my prayers,

-Darryl

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All along this path I tread, my heart betrays my weary head
With nothing but my love to save, from the cradle to the grave




[This message has been edited by Darryl (edited 18 September 2005).]

Green Mountain Man, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through, but I wish you and yours the best during this difficult time. I remember the hospice workers telling my sister and I that often our loved ones try not to pass in our presence- perhaps they feel it will be too disturbing to us, and struggle to spare us that "burden", even as we try to "be there" for them.... My sister and I kept a vigil with my Mom as she ended her fight with cancer. My sister left the room for a minute, and she slipped away. Perhaps If I had left her earlier she might have passed more easily...? We do the best we can, and leave those greater mysteries to whatever God we believe in. I wish you well, Jim

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.~Scott

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"Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us."

Grn Mt Man,

Your story was touching and it gave me cause to think about how brief our lives really are, and about how, in the end, what matters most are family and friends, and the love that binds us eternally to one another.

My thoughts are with you and yours during this difficult time.

Fred

May god bless.

Just wanted you to know that you haven't been forgotten.....Bob