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A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Each summer, the lawyer would invite a different friend of his to spend a week or two up at this place which happened to be in the backwoods section of Maine.
On one particular occasion, he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to stay with him. This friend, eager to get a freebee off a lawyer, agreed. Well, they had a splendid time in the country, rising early and lived in the great outdoors. Early one morning, the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian companion went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge bears, a male and a female.
The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.
The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast as he could , and got the local backwoods sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer. Sure enough, the two huge bears were still there.
"He is in THAT one," cried the lawyer, pointing to the male bear, while visions of lawsuits from his friend's family danced in his head. He just had to save his friend.
The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting and eye, level his gun, took careful aim, and SHOT THE FEMALE BEAR!
"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" exclaimed the lawyer. " I said he is in the other one!" " Exactly," replied the sheriff, "and would you believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the male?"
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My Sister lives in a mixed family. About half are lawyers and the rest are medicos...
<shaking head>
Ed
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Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up? Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!
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In case you were wondering:
A penitent is paying for her sins.
A courtesan is sinning for her pay.
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A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ?Jesus knows you?re here.? He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard a voice....say, ?Jesus is watching you.? Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. ?Did you say that?? he hissed at the parrot. ?Yep?, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ?I?m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.? The burglar relaxed. ?Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you??
?I'm Moses.? replied the bird. ?Moses?? the burglar laughed. ?What kind of people would name a bird Moses??
?The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler Jesus.?
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The Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency (TWRA) has been researching natural trout reproduction for some time. They came to believe that males try to seduce females with more than rhythmic, dance-like motions. Recently one team of researchers began to suspect an auditory component. Last week they cracked the mystery when they determined that one male was singing "Little Redd Corvette" at passing females...
Ed
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To truly appreciate Ed's story you need to finish it with th is.https://www.youtube.com/watch?featur...;v=g-4-gLlF0uw
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Teacher Arrested At Sydney International Airport.
A senior high school maths teacher was arrested today at Sydney?s Kingsford-Smith International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.
At the press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the A.F.P. with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-Gebra is a problem for us", the Attorney General said. "They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They will often use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as 'unknowns'; but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, " 'There are three sides to every triangle.' "
When asked to comment on the arrest, the Prime Minister Tony Abbott said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes."
Fellow Liberal colleagues told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent nor profound statement by the Prime Minister.
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"in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule"
That would indicate a different terrorist group, Geo-Metry. They are desperately hard to catch because the get around so much and tend to shoot off at obtuse angles when pursued. They are known to frequent pi shops and have been accused of attempting to "trap a zoid". Try not to move in their circles. If you see one, call for help immediately. Never confront one as attempting to square off with one is a job for experts. (Ex-perts are old perts which have gone a bit soggy...) Members of Geo-Metry are known to commit sin alone or cosin with another of their ilk. Some are reported to have a good tan. Some are two dimensional, which is usually plane to see.
Regards,
Ed, who thinks a slide rule is a piece of playground equipment.
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