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In Guangzhou, China, a newspaper seller has "hired" a duck as his assistant. The man says he raised and trained the duck, which stands on a chair at the kiosk, uses it's bill to collect money and pass newspapers and magazines to customers, and when the owner dozes off, the duck quacks to wake him up.
China Daily P.S. ducksterman attn.[/i]
My boss always complains he hired an idiot for his assistant. I just keep reminding him you get what you pay for.
Maybe I can find him a trained chinese duck? Early retirement sound better and better!
The Article didn't MENTION whether the DUCK would receive a PENSION. :shock:
Doug
The duck walked into a druggist requiring some 'Chapstick,' but as he had no money, inquired if he could just put it on his bill...
WHY do I always see two MALE Ducks chasing a single FEMALE Duck around?
What's that all about? :?:
Are MALES so insecure that they need their buddy to help them find a girlfriend?
Thanks,
Doug :oops: :shock:
How do you think they get 'Duck a la orange a trois?'
Cheers,
MontanaMoose
I don't speak FRENCH!
Doug :cry: p.S. Also, I'm not a connasewer of fine quawzine! :oops:
Oh that's it...'duck' out ! :))
Cheers,
MontanaMoose
I couldn't resist sharing this one here:
(Don't let your little kids read this, it will traumatize them forever. I still have nightmares)
I used to work at a college in Utah (Utah Valley State College) in the recruiting office. One day the only other male in the office, who happens to have a huge window in his office, yells at me down the hallway to come and see something cool. He points out a duck sitting on the grass just outside his window. There are always a bunch of ducks who hang out in the ponds in the middle, outdoor commons area of the school. I say "Yeah and...," as it looks like all the other female mallards there. No big deal. He then points to another window that is part of a long 'wall of windows' by his office. In the middle of the window is disgusting smear of...something. As I look closer I see (yep you guessed it) that the duck had flown into the window at like mach 5 and spilt itself wide open! She appeared to be very calm just sitting in the shade as if nothing had happened. (Close your eyes now....)Her insides were not only hanging out of her now-open chest cavity, but they were splattered on the glass!
I don't know if she lived or died or what, because campus police wouldn't wait for animal contol to show up. They thought they could catch her, and she actually flew away!!
:lol: That quacked me up! Good one, JC.Quote:
Originally Posted by J Castwell
Me too. That has to be one of the worst, stupidist, dumbest jokes I have ever heard. I love it!!! :twisted:
The way I heard it was a Platypus walked in, even dumber, but still funny. :lol:
I've always thought Geese had issues but DUCKS are in a league of their own.
NO, not the PAC 10!
Doug :D
Back to the geese I see ! :roll:
I am actually AFRAID of them! :shock:
My GOOSE has been COOKED more than once! :cry:
And I've heard Geese are known to PUT DOWN people!
Doug :oops:
Yup, gooses will take on anything. Mine whipped the butt of a fox, ran some religious folks from the front porch (several times), and bowed his neck, arched his wings and stopped a combine in the road in front of our ranch house in Montana. The driver jumped off, came up to the door and asked me to, "get him outta there!" Pure white goose 'cept for the blazing blue eyes.
Doug, you have to learn to 'talk' to them and they'll leave you alone....I have to do it all the time whilst ff'ing at the lake !
Honk,
MontanaMoose
JC,Quote:
Originally Posted by J Castwell
That is VERY FUNNY! Thanks for WARNING the GENERAL POPULATION!
Doug :D
I have to LEARN how to TALK to them?Quote:
Originally Posted by MontanaMoose
I'll tell you HOW I talk to them!
PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!!!!!
Doug :shock:
Now just learn to say it in 'Goose-ese' !
Female or Male?
Doug :shock:
Good grief man, no, not in female 'Goose-ese' !!
Cheers,
MontanaMoose
I sould have learned that after 32 yrs of trying!
Sorry,
Doug :shock:
That's only the first half of the joke.
The next day the duck returns and walks up to the counter and says,"I'd like to purchase one condom."
The all-knowing pharmacist puts one on the counter, looks at him and (not wanting to be joshed twice in two days) asks, "Put it on your bill?"
"I'm NOT that kind of duck!!"
:shock:
:D Just Remeber that tonight is poultry night!
:oops: every lady present gets a free Goose!
Rich,
I want to hear about the OTHER 6 nights!!!?????
Doug P.S. Fell free to ad lib! :D
:cry: Nursing all of the lumps on your head you get from passing out gooses!LOL
You better WATCH IT! The Idaho Falls City Council will pass a LAW against GOOSING! :shock:
Doug :D
:twisted: Won't be the first time I broke one LOL
:lol: sounds like a bunch of FOWL jokes to me!!
Maybe, but we're not too CHICKEN to tell 'em...