Now Kevin, that's just mean. Oh, wait, you were talking about eagles and not me, sorry :lol:
Kelly.
Printable View
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?'
Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!'
They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?'
'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'
Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'
I feel so alone and tormented by a continuing problem with my fly fishing gear. I've searched one fly fishing forum after another looking for others who've experienced the same problem as I, to no avail. You see, I've bought several pairs of wading boots over the years, at all price points and some were from the finest purveyors of fly fishing goods known. Yet no matter how much I'm willing to spend, no matter how careful I am in getting just the right fit, even if I take the utmost of care getting into the river. Every single pair leaks right from the start.
So please Albie, tell me, how do I keep my wading boots from leaking?
Waiting for your thoughts, Damp Bootie.
Gent goes fishing in a local pond that is posted all around as no fishing spot
As he catches fish he puts them in a pail of water next to him
Gent see a Game Warden coming and quickly hides his rod
Game warden sees the pail of fish and tells the gent can't you read the no fishing sign I will need to ticket you
Gent tells the Warden, these here fish in the pail are my pets and I bring them here each day to swim and when they get done I put them back in the pail and take em home
Warden says "sure you do" , "why don't you show me??"
Gent says "why sure" and lets the fish loose from the pail into the pond
About 20 minutes passes and the warden says wheres the fish
Gent says "what fish??"
:)
Steve
A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.
"What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs. Terry is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said,
"Does she still have the hiccups?"
Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me, son." the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few more times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first?
Why did we swim around and around them?
His wise father replied,
"Because they taste better without the crap inside"
For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set
2. A day without sunshine is like, night
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be mis quoted, then used against you.
9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
11. Remember half the people you know are below average.
12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
13. Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
20. I intend to live forever - so far so good.
21. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
25. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
26. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
27. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
28. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
29. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
30. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
31. For every action there is an e qual and opposite criticism.
32. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
33. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
34. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
35. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
37. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
38. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
39. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
40. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
41. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
42. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
43. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
44. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
45. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
46. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
47. Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
48. Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
49. Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
50. Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
I lost the Trivia Tournament at our local church last week.
The final question was: WHERE DO WOMEN HAVE CURLY HAIR?
Apparantly, the correct answer was: AFRICA.
I have been asked to find another place to worship......
http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n...nRockerCom.jpg
My wife had me do something online for her the other day, and I needed her password to do it. She told me the password was MickeyMinnieGoofeyPlutoHueyDewyLouieDonaldNashvill e.
I asked her why she chose such a long password, and she said because the instructions said it had to be at least 8 characters, and include at least one capital......