In a Fly's Eye
by, 09-09-2008 at 06:52 PM (4661 Views)
He yelled from around the bend, over the dull roar of the torrent. I don't know what he said. Hell, I can't hear much in the middle of snow-covered forest in mid January; when there's no sound at all. How was I to hear him - or anything! - here! "?"
He sure looks a bit frazzled. Worried even. What the dickens did he want anyway? I'm busy! Busy as 'H.E.Double-L.O!! - with my other physical affliction: my far-sighted vision. If it weren't for the multiple layers of optical wizardry between my cornea and the dammed little bit of wire that's nearly embedded in my finger, I wouldn't even know what the source of the pain was; for goodness sake!
How anyone, ever ties on any fly smaller than and #18 is beyond me. I know the trout are looking for the tiny stuff, but why can't they just go for a BigTric or a Whopastone or some other mega-meal? More food. Less effort. Right? Makes sense to me. Hell! Make reall sense and works for me, too.
But, nope! That's not the 'trout way'. Gotta have all those little, itsy bitsy teeeeeny little bugs. Not a big juicy bug. But a microscopic aquatic 'bug'..! Gimme a smallmouth any day. They'll try to eat a whale if they can get a shot at it! Now that's a 'real' fish!Dang! He sure is making a lot of racket up there. I sure as hell know he's not hooked into a big fish. Even if there were any in here, he'd never get that lucky. Would he? Boy, he's really jumping. Mad? Crazy? or ... Or, What? Beats me.****! Small tippets! Small flies! And for the umpteenth time, here I go again - missing the knot. You'd think I'd learn to pay attention until I get done. Might know I'd forget I can't do that multi-tasking crap like I used to. Yeah! Like I could even do it back, "In the day...", when me and everyone else just said we could! Hell! Nobody really could. We all just said we could so we'd look good. You know, for raises and promotions; stuff like that. More ma-hoola in the pocket meant more fishing trips, cooler equipment and all the gas money needed to get to all the placed I just had to go! Needed to make the 'ma-hoola'. That was like eating, man. Stuff in the protein in order to have the energy to notch up the hours, pull down the pay and fork it over to the nearest purveyor of my addiction: fly-fishing!!
What a lot of zippidee-do-da, though! Yep! Most of it was really about nothing all - at least, nothing that was really worth the cost. I'm still going blind. Loosing my mind! Can't hear squat! And have knees with more in common to Buzz Lightyear than to me!Hey! Where'd he go? What the ... ?I'll be galded like a dog on a hot day with jalapeno juice in my sits-bath! Now I gotta get up .. probably will loose that damn little fly, too. Oh who cares! I can't see the frickin thing. Might as well not have it.
But where in tarnation is Ed? He was just up there a moment ago?Oh? OH! OK ..
Now I see him. He's OK. Whew!
There for a minute I thought I was going to need to come up with a major 'Academy Award Winning' story on how he just disappeared! Boy! That would have been messy. Time consuming! Painful! And it would have really been a bite in my fishing time, too. Ed sure wouldn't have settled for that!Now, what's he up to this time? He's stomping downstream. Doesn't that idiot know he's blowing all chances of trout fishing between here and there! Gadz Zukes! Man! Walk on the bank!!"Les! You sorry piece of deaf crap! Didn't you hear me calling? Didn't you see me? You were looking right at me. Man, are you now BLIND, TOO! ???"
"For the love of hackles Ed, what is the matter? Sure I saw you. I'm not that blind...yet. But I couldn't hear a blasted thing over the water. I wasn't making the trek all the way up there. You didn't look like you were in 'serious trouble'."Oh you old ****! I could out run you on any day of the week. And you know it... ! And what in the world are you bringing up that old piece of worn out news for anyway? I've got REAL problems here! Now! Yeah! No thanks to you."
Nope! Not like that time in Alaska, when you were being chased by that old Sow Griz!
Now -THAT- was funny. Sure puts traction on that old saying, 'bout havin' slow friends with you in bear country! Well, that wouldn't have been YOU then! Now would it? "
"Yeah? So, what's gotten under your bonnet so tight, that you're on edge worse than a snake crawlin' across I-80 in the middle of trucker's strike? You're looking awefully P-O for the evening!!"And just like that ....
[To B Continued ...]