May 13th, 2002

Here I Go Again
By James Castwell

This is for those of you who do not join us in our Chat Room. No, I'm not going to try to get you to go there, but I figured you might find some of this interesting. Not all of these ideas are mine, but are gathered over the course of many months and even years of hosting and chatting with the gang.

Just in case you feel that you and your fishing buddies are missing something when you watch those fishing shows on TV, and I mean most, if not all of them, this is for you. Those TV hot-shots make me sick. And they are talked about in the chat-room too. I mean, when was the last time you shook hands with someone? Your boss? A banker? But... right after your 'fishin-buddy' nets a fish for you? Give me a break! How phony can they get?

And they all do it. The fish gets netted, dragged into the boat, beached or something, and then it comes, the mandatory handshake. Sometimes it's a 'high-five' with or without the slap on the back, a slug on the shoulder, or an arm around each other. Good-grief. Enough already! Before long these guys will be kissing more than bass.

However, as long as I am on a rant. . . Can you guys shut the heck up for at least a moment while you are landing a fish? Sure, I know you are 'wired' and this is big time TV stuff, but, at least let me hear some of the guitars and nice classical music. No sane fisherman talks constantly when they are in a life and death battle with a sailfish or a monster brown or bow. It just ain't natural. You guys are making normal folks feel guilty if we try to enjoy the solitude of fishing. Got that? Solitude. Peaceful stuff.

Now how about trying to do a little bit better job writing the script. The inane questions and answers between Joe Tyro and Mr. Guide are ridiculous. See if you can get 'reader-information' out with a bit more believability. And speaking of guides, how about having one actually let his client land a fish all by his lonesome little self. If one of those hot-shots loped into the stream and snatched my fish with a ten-foot handled net I would drown the cretin.

Then we have the guy who pays big bucks (supposedly) to fish some famous river for big fish. He is all decked out like his uncle is Mr. Orvis, he gets to the stream and the guide tells him to tie on a purple woolly-bugger and swing it thru the current. He does, a fish takes it at the end of the swing (lip-hooked by the way) and the fight is on. No, not 'that' fight, the one where the guide races downstream with the long-handled net and while our hero stands with his eyes bulging and his jaw a gape, the erstwhile guide sloshes up the prize as it hangs on a tight line. Big deal.

Then to top it off, the guide and all of his stream-side buddies congratulate him on what a great job he did catching that trophy fish. Bunk, he didn't catch it. . .'they' caught it. I will land my own fish, thank you, or bust them off. Fly fishing is not a team sport.

Aw, ya. . .before I leave, this one too. The guy with the $500.00 reel and the rod to match. Gets a nice fish on after he has stripped in about half of his fly line. He's got the stuff dangling all over the place, now he strips in even more, to heck with the reel, he can't reel fast enough anyway. Play the thing by the line. I want to be there when the first 'real' fish takes all of his fly line in a blazing run, the line goes tight and with all of the slack loops (which haven't caught on his vest, stream weeds, sticks, bottom-rocks, or his damn black dog) are gone from the line, hits the reel which until this time has been sitting idle and snaps the tippet like a rifle shot. Yup, I want to be there to laugh.

And now for you dorks who sponsor some of the stuff we see on TV. How about hiring a guy who will be doing the 'beauty' shot with the fly rod who has actually 'seen' a fly rod before? I don't care if the sponsors nephew got laid off, get a real fly-fisher. Might be a nice change.

And to you guys with your ATV's, SUV's and any other type of tracked or wheeled vehicles, will you please. . .stay the hell out of my streams? Just a thought, it raises my blood-pressure about 30 points watching those yuppie corporate types charging about in their monster-machines. And yes, some of us have actually been run out of our fishing places by these jerks just out for a 'spin.' For more on this one click HERE. Jeep ought to be hung out to dry on their commericial with the Jeep tearing upstream. They can't be that dumb - so they must have done it on purpose. Shame!

Lastly, you girls are not getting off easy either. If I ever hear any of you 'giggle' and 'squeal' like the ones on TV, you're going to get wet, period. I have fished with members of the distaff set many times and the only time they make sounds like that, they are doing something they probably aren't supposed to be doing on a trout stream. Remember that. ~ James Castwell

Till next week, remember . . .

Keepest Thynne Baakast Upeth

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