I am still working on the 'Certify Yourself' Fly-Fisherman
Certificate. This will be a full fledged program which should
once and for all settle the 'Certification' mess. Each of
you will have the opportunity to self-score and place yourself
in the proper certification level. But this is not about that,
you will just have to be patient, this is more important,
this is gonna make me rich!
It is only about ten miles, round trip, for me to drive from
my place here, over the Hood Canal Bridge, turn them loose
and return. The 'them' being racoons and opossums (well, so
far, one cat and a small squirrel too). I have a large live
trap into which these critters frequently wander, enticed I
suppose by appropriately placed bits of dry dog food and a
dab or so of cheap canned tuna.
As we have two small ponds which contain rather sizable Koi
fish (exotic carp things) I find night-time bathing 'coons
and fish eating possums unwelcome guests. So, up until now,
I 'transplant' these creatures. It would require a five mile
swim for their return which, so far, none have managed. This
seems a waste of my valuable time and a foolish relocation
of a resource, especially when I might be able to sell the
things. Being the frugal sort of chap I am, I can see in
all of this a 'venture,' perhaps a lucrative venture.
With the world clambering for yet another source of dubbing,
why shouldn't I fulfill the demand? I should. Knowing that
to succeed I must come up with a 'wrinkle' of sorts I have
decided to reduce my involvement with the mundane side of
dubbing supplying and in fact, pass that portion on to the
buyer. I will. The company will need a catchy name and I
have that as well.
The 'Snuff It Yourself' dubbing company. By sending
the animals alive the purchaser can be assured of the freshest
dubbing available anywhere. Never again will he have to be
satisfied with 'Goodyear' embossed on various skins and hides.
No more missing legs, no more bitten chunks missing, no
bullet holes and no more unrecognizable parts.
As an added bonus the recipient will have the option of CF
(critter farming). A bit like the old story of the peg-legged
vaudeville pig, when asked about the pig's peg leg,
replied, "Be a shame to kill such a talented pig all at
once." Instead of 'snuffing' your purchase you may be able
to shave it as needed. It is recommended that an eye to
the local environment be observed. Now remember, I have
limited availability on these things. Please don't be
requesting yearling 'possum, dark gray coon or any specific
age or coloration. They come into my yard on a random basis
and that is the way I am going to ship them. Sort of pot luck.
County and local ordinances may prove troublesome for the
CF but most can be avoided by stealth. Disease could be a
nuisance and if so, just 'snuff' the thing. What the heck,
you were going to anyway. Yes sir'ee, it's a win-win deal.
The way of the future, 'Snuff Your Own,' is the only way
to go. I am working out an arrangement with the new
delivery company a pal is starting, it's like a combination
of Fed-X and UPS, he calls it 'Fed-Up.' He thinks he can
get the critters delivered alive.
Now for the 'Kit' part. That is just a marketing ploy.
Everything these days seems to sell better if you call
it some sort of a kit, so I will. I suppose I could include
in the box a rock or a Stillson-wrench for 'judicious
dispatch,' but we all have enough of those things anyhow.
The K.I.T. actually stands for 'Kill It Totally.' Good advise
for any situation, we don't want unnecessary problems with
the neighbors or the cook. For the economy-minded I will
include a pamphlet of 'Exquisite Epicurean Recipes,' these
are time tested, proven winners. I mean, where else can
you receive dubbing and dinner in the same box? This deal
just gets better and better Also, you order by the each,
not the inch, and you pay by the pound not the piece.
So there you have it my friends and new customers, start
saving up your 'dubbing-dollars,' be the first one on your
block to have your very own critter for snuffin.' Fresh,
quality, un-flattened, not sun bleached, in the 'round'
(and edible?) dubbing from the, 'Snuff Your Own' Dubbing
~ James Castwell