January 6th, 2003

'Snuff Yer Own' Dubbing K.I.T
By James Castwell


I am still working on the 'Certify Yourself' Fly-Fisherman Certificate. This will be a full fledged program which should once and for all settle the 'Certification' mess. Each of you will have the opportunity to self-score and place yourself in the proper certification level. But this is not about that, you will just have to be patient, this is more important, this is gonna make me rich!

It is only about ten miles, round trip, for me to drive from my place here, over the Hood Canal Bridge, turn them loose and return. The 'them' being racoons and opossums (well, so far, one cat and a small squirrel too). I have a large live trap into which these critters frequently wander, enticed I suppose by appropriately placed bits of dry dog food and a dab or so of cheap canned tuna.

As we have two small ponds which contain rather sizable Koi fish (exotic carp things) I find night-time bathing 'coons and fish eating possums unwelcome guests. So, up until now, I 'transplant' these creatures. It would require a five mile swim for their return which, so far, none have managed. This seems a waste of my valuable time and a foolish relocation of a resource, especially when I might be able to sell the things. Being the frugal sort of chap I am, I can see in all of this a 'venture,' perhaps a lucrative venture.

With the world clambering for yet another source of dubbing, why shouldn't I fulfill the demand? I should. Knowing that to succeed I must come up with a 'wrinkle' of sorts I have decided to reduce my involvement with the mundane side of dubbing supplying and in fact, pass that portion on to the buyer. I will. The company will need a catchy name and I have that as well.

The 'Snuff It Yourself' dubbing company. By sending the animals alive the purchaser can be assured of the freshest dubbing available anywhere. Never again will he have to be satisfied with 'Goodyear' embossed on various skins and hides. No more missing legs, no more bitten chunks missing, no bullet holes and no more unrecognizable parts.

As an added bonus the recipient will have the option of CF (critter farming). A bit like the old story of the peg-legged vaudeville pig, when asked about the pig's peg leg, replied, "Be a shame to kill such a talented pig all at once." Instead of 'snuffing' your purchase you may be able to shave it as needed. It is recommended that an eye to the local environment be observed. Now remember, I have limited availability on these things. Please don't be requesting yearling 'possum, dark gray coon or any specific age or coloration. They come into my yard on a random basis and that is the way I am going to ship them. Sort of pot luck.

County and local ordinances may prove troublesome for the CF but most can be avoided by stealth. Disease could be a nuisance and if so, just 'snuff' the thing. What the heck, you were going to anyway. Yes sir'ee, it's a win-win deal. The way of the future, 'Snuff Your Own,' is the only way to go. I am working out an arrangement with the new delivery company a pal is starting, it's like a combination of Fed-X and UPS, he calls it 'Fed-Up.' He thinks he can get the critters delivered alive.

Now for the 'Kit' part. That is just a marketing ploy. Everything these days seems to sell better if you call it some sort of a kit, so I will. I suppose I could include in the box a rock or a Stillson-wrench for 'judicious dispatch,' but we all have enough of those things anyhow.

Racoon

The K.I.T. actually stands for 'Kill It Totally.' Good advise for any situation, we don't want unnecessary problems with the neighbors or the cook. For the economy-minded I will include a pamphlet of 'Exquisite Epicurean Recipes,' these are time tested, proven winners. I mean, where else can you receive dubbing and dinner in the same box? This deal just gets better and better Also, you order by the each, not the inch, and you pay by the pound not the piece.

So there you have it my friends and new customers, start saving up your 'dubbing-dollars,' be the first one on your block to have your very own critter for snuffin.' Fresh, quality, un-flattened, not sun bleached, in the 'round' (and edible?) dubbing from the, 'Snuff Your Own' Dubbing Company (S.Y.O.D.C.). ~ James Castwell

Till next week, remember . . .

Keepest Thynne Baakast Upeth

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